The Last Chair Already Turned: A Poem of Healing

its weird.

this feeling that the last day has already happened.

that the last chair has already turned.

but it wasn't supposed to.

we were supposed to have another day.

a final day

a June day

I guess we're not supposed to

it was the closest we've come in years

the closest to having that final day of joy

a final day to say goodbye

a final day to come to grips with the fact

that that which life revolves around is no more

it's weird.

this feeling that the lat chair has already happened.

I was there.

I had champagne

I toasted the season

but why does it feel like I missed it?

like something isn't complete?

Is it because I don't want it to end.  

even knowing that it can't

I want it to stay forever

a piece of me is missing

it just vanished in the night

and I awoke to find it gone

taken from me

I know, I know,

seasons change and there is more to life than skiing

I get it.

but in my heart,

I don't.

A piece of me is missing,

the piece that makes me whole

but it is still there

this is not permanent.

it will come again

the mountain stands strong 

silent, sleeping, and quiet now
her spirit buried beneath a cover of green
she will wait for us

we tried,
we really, really tried

to make it last forever

but you cannot hold on to something tight

without squeezing the life out of it

I don't want it to go

I need the snow

I can't live without it
I CANNOT

my soul is adrift,
my heart is heavy
unsure in the wake of this new season
i struggle to bring all the pieces together

we didn't think we were really saying goodbye
that it was really going to leave us
we were going to have one more day together

a day to cherish, not just to play
time to reconcile my soul with the truth,
not just to ski
but to stand aside, to take a quiet moment
to come to grips with the truth

and so I hike
because I am not ready to say goodbye
i just want.  I just need.
   one more day
   one more run
   one more turn
anything to deny the truth

its weird.

this feeling that the last day has already happened.

that the last chair has already turned.

Farewell, my friend.

May You Find the Spirit of the Mountains Within You,

Merisa