Saturday, April 9, 2011

To be at peace...

There are times when I can find it, those moments where I am capable of pushing all the thoughts and analysis aside and allow the universe to enter as it may. When I am stationary, I find this to be the most difficult of tasks. Is is that my body merely echoes the chaos of my mind, never stilling? I watch others sit in meditation for such long periods of time, while I stir, waiting to explode and unable to focus. I have always wondered why I cannot sit still, while I cannot pay attention to things around me, walking through life like in a blur...

...but then I seek out the wilderness, simply putting one foot in front of the other. There is a calming in that repititious movement that has always quieted me. I can feel my chaos floating away, lightening my steps as I walk further and further into the woods. And then something stirs, a different kind of stirring, where I begin to notice. Letting my mind wander, I start to see things, and feel that they see me. Not the lost soul, masking constantly racing thoughts, but the real me. The quiet and open me, the me that listens. And then I can learn.

I wonder, is this floating just an escape from the thoughts that will no doubt return as soon as my skis come off and I enter the house. I can feel the weight settling back onto my shoulders, all the same fears and insecurity falling back into place. It is so easy, to be free while surrounded by such beauty. Perhaps the key to life is working at bringing that floaty focus feeling from the meditation into my life.

Either that or just stick to the trail, I guess :)

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